So I don't really like to get all personal and tell what is really going on in my head. I have a deep seated fear of rejection, but the spirit has been prompting me a lot lately to open myself up and I am trying to take baby steps to overcome my fears. Anyway last month I am almost 98% sure I was pregnant. I was really excited and was counting down the days so I could take the test. Then about four or five days before, I knew I wasn't anymore even though I still held out hope. So as sad as I was I knew it wasn't the end of the world, since I've been trying so long as it is. I wasn't feeling too terrible, but I felt like I should have Dave give me a blessing. In it he said that all things happen for a reason. I just figured maybe the embryo wasn't viable or something and that was that.
Well these last four days I have a totally different perspective. I have had a super high fever going up to at the highest I got on the thermometer 103.5°. I know that if I had been pregnant I would have miscarried and I think I would have felt 100 times worse feeling like I killed my baby for being sick. I just know that we have a loving Heavenly Father who really does know the end from the beginning and gives us tender mercies sometimes we don't even recognize until much later. I am thankful He loves me enough to give me what I need instead of just what I want. Even with all the sadness there is always the hope for a brighter future.