Wednesday, January 9, 2013


I have been filled with many doubts lately. My faith has been nonexistent. I have been struggling with everything. My doubts as a mother, my doubts as a teacher, my doubts of a wife, my doubts as ever having another child again and why I can't seem to make that part of me work anymore. It is a doubt infestation. I don't think that it helps that I have packed on 10 pounds in 6 weeks, that I am a raging hormonal crazy person, that I just don't have it in me to get out of bed some days. I am trying so hard to do the right thing but the costs are sort of excruciating. Then lacking the faith that things will even work out the way I hope. Doubt is a silent disease. No one knows,  no one sees. All anyone sees is this exterior facade. Faith is the precursor to miracles and I haven't had any. How can I hope for a miracle I don't even believe in? So how do I pick myself up and get back to work? How can I find my faith? I am still struggling with it. Faith isn't just taking that leap or jumping through that hoop, it's believing that once that hoop is jumped through that the reward is waiting on the other side. So here is to rewards and miracles yet to come.  I know they are there I have seen them with my own eyes. So why doubt? (Because it is taking sooooo stinkin' long ;0)