Thursday, January 10, 2008

AHHHH! I'm scared.

So I've been really worried lately about the new baby coming. How will Benji react, how will I manage two rascals, can I live on no sleep and still be less moody than I am now? I guess I've been really worried, because the little one will not stop moving inside of me. He's been moving nonstop for the past 3 or 4 days. I'm worried that he'll be a wild one and he'll want to be held all the time and I'm only one person. I feel like I can barely handle Benji as it is.

The other worry I have is, do I have enough love to give them both? I love Benji so much and I'm worried I won't love this one enough or I'll love this one more. I don't know. I know they say your love only grows, but right now it is hard to imagine.

The bright spot in all of this is Benji. My sister-in-law Amber brought a swing and bouncer over the other day and everyday Benji has been taking the baby dolls and putting them in there and taking care of them. It is the cutest, sweetest thing. Now I worry he'll be too helpful, which he is already. He helps me unload the dishes, sweep the floor, vacuum, he's just a very helpful little boy, but he's so determined sometimes, he doesn't listen to no. He won't stop until he reaches his objective even if mommy or daddy says no.

I know we'll be okay, but it's weird bringing a new little one into the family and how the roles and family dynamics are going to change. It scares me. I have 3 months left and I'm not at all prepared. I have many more things plaguing me, but I don't want to spout them all because no one will ever read this blog again for the length of it. I'll be signing off now.