Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I struggle everyday being a mom. I know I am not the best but I try to do what I can. In the last week or so I have noticed quite a shift in my parenting and even how the boys respond to it. The funny thing is none of it is coming from me. The things I am saying and the things I am doing are coming from somewhere else. I am not an eloquent speaker the things I do say I stumble over quite frequently, but somehow I am directed to say things to my kids I know I couldn't say in any other situation. For instance James has a hard time during prayer holding still and closing his eyes. Last week I snapped at him after the prayer was done but before I could even get really angry like I usually do, stuff started spitting out of my mouth in a nice voice (who knows where that came from) about what we do during a prayer like folding our arms, now you try, show mommy. And he would do it then I thought this is great go with it so next I asked him what do we do with our eyes, and so forth. I was teaching instead of yelling. Because who listens to a yelling mother anyway. I'm pretty sure I never did. It's dawned on me that I expect my kids to know everything the first time I teach it but maybe I should be thinking that they aren't any different than anyone else. How many times have I had to learn certain lessons or principles over and over. And how many chances does my Heavenly Father give me before he throws his hands in the air and says there is no hope for Heidi? I am thankful for the opportunity to be here on this earth for the choices we make, for the heavenly help we are provided. Life is a struggle and I love being able to learn and grow through those struggles. I am thankful for my boys. They teach me so much. I hope someday to add to our family but if that's not the case I am happy with what I have been blessed with.