Monday, July 9, 2012

A Week in Review-Day 1

A lot has happened this past week, a lot. I'm not sure if I'm ready to share it all because I'm not sure yet how to express what occurred or didn't occur, we will see what happens as I start typing. Tuesday, our anniversary was so great. Something has happened to me in the last little while, or maybe it has been coming on for a long time but I have felt this incredible shift, a change in thinking. We didn't do anything spectacular, we spent hardly any money and I know in years past that would have bothered me a bit, actually a lot. It's pretty safe to say I have been a spoiled brat. I wanted to be spoiled and pampered and showered. And now, I don't know I want to be loved and thought of and heard and somehow things have clicked into place this past year that I can't explain but know I don't need those other things anymore. Anyway I did feel spoiled this year anyway because I went to go get ready for the day and there in what used to be my very empty basket of bubble bath was lots of very yummy bath & body works so bubble bath bottles. I have been taking a lot of baths lately and Dave knew I needed some more soap and surprised me with it. Now if you don't know Dave this is quite an improvement from when we were first married. I'll have to tell that story later. Anyway I love him so much more. He finally is getting me , knowing me, seeing to my needs. Seriously huge improvement.

That night we went to dinner at Astro Burger, cheap, yummy. Then we went to the movies, the Amazing Spiderman, which is way better than the first, I thought. Afterward we went to Baskin Robbins so Dave could get himself some ice cream. It was so fun just to hang out together. It doesn't matter anymore about what we do, but that we are together. We talked a lot and Dave asked how I thought the last year had gone for us. I told him it was the best one yet. He thought I was joking but I wasn't. Growing up was hard for me. Trusting people is very hard for me. I don't let people in very often, completely in anyway. It's sad to say but I think it has taken 8 years to break down all these walls for Dave. I finally trust him with my whole heart which hasn't been easy for me, obviously since it has taken so long. I finally feel free to be happy. I still have a long road of tearing down my own walls for other people. I have guarded myself for so long and I'm not quite sure I am comfortable with the idea, but like Dave asked, "Isn't it kind of lonely?" Yes. But Rome wasn't built in a day and it's going to take a lot of faith on my part. Babysteps. Babystep to the door, babystep down the hall, babystep outside...I hope someday to let go. But for now I thank my Father in Heaven for sending me this punk who has stuck it out with crazy wall lady and still thinks she's cute because of her craziness.