Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Miracle #1,234,456

I have been having this huge trial of my faith lately. Two months ago I had a strong impression I should sing in church. And a particular song, but I wasn't really having any of it. Finally a month ago I decided I would finally volunteer to sing, but I was going to do a different song, one I felt more comfortable with. So I volunteered and then heard nothing for several weeks. About a week ago I finally heard back from the music coordinator and she said I could sing last Sunday. So then I really started panicking. If you don't know anything else about me know this one thing. I HATE to be the center of attention. I am a total wallflower, paste me to the wall let me observe, leave me in the corner I am very much at peace and very happy in the corner so for me to do this again is quite a big feat of faith. I told Dave which song I was going to sing. He was sort of hesitant about it. And I asked him which one I should sing. He didn't know. So I started playing them for him. Have I mentioned I am even afraid to play to my fullest with him around. I am a freak. No confidence and a complete scaredy cat. So when I started playing and singing the original song I was supposed to sing he told me that's the one. He loves that one apparently. (He is a man of few words.) I still wasn't sure I could do it. I even started crying in front of him soon after I began. It felt like a little too much for this heart of mine to take. But because of the reassurances of my very best friend, my hubby, I finally found a string of confidence and held on for dear life. I haven't prayed so hard for something in a long time. But I knew that God wanted me to sing this song and I knew that anything He asked could be done. Oh and did I mention that my throat decided to get sick a couple of days before Sunday. I could not even hit those high notes without a squeak or a frog sounding coming out. I was ready to bail, but I couldn't because I have been that person coordinating the music and I hated when people canceled. So I asked for a miracle. I asked for angels to bear me up because I was so close to passing out just thinking about it. I'm not sure what happened exactly. I know I started the song and I know I finished the song, but everywhere else in between is a blur. I know I had angels with me. I know that people felt the spirit, but I can't honestly say that any of what happened was me. My voice was clear, I hit notes I had been struggling with but other than that I was sort of on auto-pilot and praying all the while to just make it through this song. It was almost like my spirit transcended my body somehow and gave the performance it wanted despite this weak and scared body I reside in. All I can say is that it was some kind of miracle that day. I know God lives. I know He sends us up in our very hour of need. I know He provides a way to accomplish the seemingly impossible. I know He loves His children, deeply and I know how much he wants us to be happy. I am amazed at His loving kindness. I have felt Him in my life so greatly these past few years. I catch glimpses of who I should be and I see how impossible the task seems, but I also know that I can be that person with His help and only with His help. I am doing hard things. I am becoming Me.