Thursday, February 13, 2014

Finding Joy

Some of you have been worried about me, I love that I have such good friends that worry, but honestly I am actually doing fantastic. I have been doing some schooling and frankly I hate school, because sometimes it is hard and I hate tests. But I have also learned quite a lot, things I wouldn't have learned if I hadn't been thrust down to some pretty dark places. And one of the things I have learned is that the light always follows the darkness and today has been a morning filled with light and joy. Nothing spectacular happened. In fact I spent 3 hours this morning playing Bird-opoly with Benji. I almost had him in the second hour but he came from behind and cleaned me out. Then to add insult to injury James schooled me in Chutes and Ladders. But I finally got my revenge in Uno Attacks. And while all I did was play games with my boys I found that I was completely immersed in joy and happiness. I don't always like to play games. In fact sometimes I would rather clean house or get other things done. But this morning was different because I am becoming different. Nothing was pressing and I know how much Benji LOVES to play games and I just did it and it didn't hurt anything. In fact I had a lot of fun playing and my boys are getting to see a side the of me they don't always get to see. I am shaking off the dust. I am finding me again by not even looking and I am amazed at the way promises in the scriptures are fulfilled. Whosoever shall lose his life shall find it. And it's true. The world tells us we have to help ourselves before we can help anyone else, but the more I tried that the less happy I was. The more I think about others and what they need the happier I am in the end. Believe me it's not always easy to give when you feel you have nothing left to give. There have been quite a few tears shed these last few weeks because I have felt so empty I had to take on more weight. And today after the hardships I see the light and the funny thing about light is it allows you to see clearly. Those things that have been so hard now seem easy. I am thankful for many things but most especially personal revelation and pure love from my Savior who is so patient with this wayward child. I am also very grateful to my husband who works so hard so I can be home to play board games all morning long with my kids. He told me he wouldn't have it any other way. Isn't he amazing? I know now how I can find great joy.
(I recently read the book Falling to Heaven: the surprising path to happiness. It has really changed my whole perspective and life if anyone is interested in reading it. Thanks Mom!)