Sunday, July 13, 2014


In each of our lives we makes hundreds of choices everyday, what to eat, what to wear, what we are going to do. Some are very simple have no real effect on the grand scale of things, but every once in awhile we might be faced with bigger more life altering decisions, who to marry, where to live, what kind of career to have. Well last Monday, I felt I had to make a choice on a matter, something that has been weighing on my mind for over a year now. It seemed like a very straightforward decision but the road has been paved with a few twists and turns and I really wasn't sure which way I was going to go until that very morning. In fact I was sure I had quite a few more miles to go before making my decision. It was difficult. It was very painful. I think it will go down as one of the most difficult of my life. I've only had a handful of those in my life, if that. But the moment I decided, the moment I took a stand, I felt such overwhelming peace and comfort and clarity. And I am so thankful for that because not long after I felt like the very jaws of hell were gaped open trying to destroy me. The range of fluctuating emotions this week has been awful. Overwhelming sadness and anger and more sadness and more anger and somehow all at the same time. I thought maybe I was losing my mind. I could find no joy, but I kept focusing on the light, the peace the comfort I found in my decision and it has pulled me through. I feel better today, but it has been a tough week trying to fight off the adversary. I did find some joy at the end of the week. My kids, my husband are my joy. When they are happy, I am happy. We were finally able to find Ben a bike that fit him. We bought it immediately since we've been looking since Christmas, poor kid. And to see the joy in his eyes, the happiness. He has been spending every second he can on it. That to me is happiness, making someone else happy. I love my family. I know we were supposed to have each other in our lives. Each person plays a unique role in my life. They make me better. Each of you make me better. Thank you for shaping who I am.