Saturday, August 2, 2014

I survived

I just returned back from 4 days at girls camp. The girls were amazing, the spirit was strong, I learned a lot of things about myself and it was the worst four days of my life physically. I became sick on Wednesday night and have spent the last four days being absolutely miserable. I was useless, I felt awful, I spent most of my time trekking up a steep hill trying to make it to the bathroom on time. Every night I spent awake shivering, trying to stay warm and the rest of the night taking my trek up the hill. It was terrible and I wondered why I even bothered to come. I was useless to everyone. At least so I thought. Last night we had testimony meeting. I shared my experience with the girls and what a blessing it had actually been to be sick because I was able to observe the girls in a way I wouldn't have been able to do otherwise. These girls in my church are unique and amazing. Seeing new facets of different girls and different leaders was so rewarding. I have made some beautiful new friendships. I also testified that we have a loving, kind, patient merciful Father in Heaven who loves us so deeply, a Savior and the Holy Ghost who testifies of both the Father and the Son. And that no matter how far you fall, or stumble, They love you unconditionally. And that gospel of Christ is true and is a light that shines in all the dark places. Anyway after the testimony meeting our bishop came up and thanked me for my testimony. Then asked if I would like a blessing, since I had been sick. Can I just tell you how amazing the priesthood is and how amazing God is and how much He knows and loves us. It doesn't matter what you can or can not do, it doesn't matter your ability, you matter. You make a difference just by being. Your very existence is so you can be somebody to a lot of people. Even if you don't talk even if you don't feel like you are anything more than a speck on the wall, you matter. People notice when you are doing your best, people notice your example, you matter. I needed to hear that, because sometimes I wonder if I even make a difference to anyone. Some days I feel so invisible. So alone. But I matter, I make a difference just by being. Well I lived to tell the tale. I am just so thankful for my trials. They are very difficult, but I have come to know and trust my Father in Heaven and the Savior so much in the past year, and because of that I had to trust that the last 4 days were a blessing in disguise. And they were.