Friday, June 9, 2017

To the lady who dropped her blueberries

To say I have been battling some demons is an understatement. Life is hard sometimes and I tend to get a little too much inside my head. I have a hard time seeing anyone else when I get like this. I have been suffering with a little depression and a lot of anxiety so when I pushed my cart around the corner and saw the woman on the floor picking up her spilled blueberries I quite literally panicked. Which is completely crazy. Normally I wouldn't have thought anything of it.  I had this internal debate in my head about whether or not to help her and by the time I probably would have helped there was only a few berries left so I left her sitting there continuing to pick them up even though I now feel horrible about not doing anything. Why couldn't I drop down and help her? I really am sorry. If you see me and I don't reply or respond or have my usual cheerful disposition it isn't personal. I am just struggling. Struggling to get out of this continuous loop of anxiety. I have battled social anxiety for years and I had it almost under control and now it has reared it ugly head again. And I think I am on burn out so it is much worse than normal. I am fried. I just need some time. Time to heal. Time to just be alone for awhile. So if I don't say hi really it isn't personal. I am just trying to survive the only way I know how. I probably need some medicine too but I am afraid to try. Hahaha! Anxiety. So fun!