It's a funny thing. You get pregnant, you feel awful, you hope for the day this little sucubus will come out of you and you'll feel well again. The day comes you do feel better, but not good enough. You remember the last one and it took about 18 months so you hope for that day, by then surely I'll feel better. So each day you hope and pray that you'll make it to the next. Each day comes and goes. You hope for tomorrow for tomorrow will surely be the day. Unfortunately the good days are few and far between, but you know there are good days and you hope for those days to come sooner and you hope those 18 months pass by quickly.
18 months come and then they go. You're not feeling any better, but you hope someday soon this will all be over, you'll feel energized again. But those days just keep passing. You cry a lot you hope for a change. 2 years come and you still feel awful, more awful than before and you're growing this thing on your neck, but you hate going to the doctor because every time you go it's the same old story, "You're fine. You're depressed take these pills." But deep down you know that's not the case, you just know.
Finally you get the courage to go to the doctor surely something must be wrong to grow this thing on your neck. You hope this time will be the time. You're excited you get your blood work and once again, "Congratulations, your levels are normal."
At what point do you stop hoping and accept the reality that has become your life? Well for me it was this point. It had just been so long and I've become so used to the alternate reality of my life that I came to an acceptance. "This is me now and now I hope for the good days and will cherish them with every fiber I have. I hope someday my kids will understand why their mommy is too tired to play with them. I hope my husband will continue to take on a larger role than I am wanting him to." My hopes became something different. And it's at this point where I've given up certain hopes that my Heavenly Father and Savior step in and give me the greatest hope of all. A SURE HOPE.
Today is my new day. I can feel it. My hopes are reborn. I feel a sense of renewal and strength and a sure hope that my once lost hopes will now be.