Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Healthy living even if I never lose 1 single pound

Well I am back on the no sugar wagon. What you didn't know I have been eating sugar daily again? Well I really blame visiting teaching, if I hadn't made those delicious brownies and had leftovers I might have been able to control myself. And if I hadn't been such an emotional mess after getting my tooth pulled I might not have been trying to stuff my emotions. Those two things just hit at the same time. Anyway back to the subject at hand today, I was talking to my friend this morning, and she is sort of on the same roller coaster mess of losing weight that I have been on. She was complaining about how her daughter is already over 1 and she still looks pregnant. And I love her but she has nothing on my baby who is 4 1/2. Why? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why does it freakin'?matter? Why, why, why? I am sort of coming to a place, because honestly it has been a fight from the beginning, but maybe this is as good as it gets. Maybe I may never lose another pound again, I am so sick of pounds and weight and blah, blah, blah. My question is, am I healthy? Not am I 175, or 145, or 250. I am none of those, but can I run and not be weary and walk and not be faint. Can I do the things I need to do in any given day? Some days are hard, this thyroid junk is the pits, but if I am called upon to run can I? Am I eating healthy? I am working on it. Do I fail? All the stinkin' time. But after I fail do I give up? Never. Never, never, never. I think that is all I can ask of myself. Not perfection, but endurance. Am I where I want to be? No. And I may never be, but I am constantly rebooting myself. My life is not perfect, but I everyday I am going to try to do better and the days I don't, oh well. So here is to making the effort once again. To fighting a losing battle that may never be won, but that is keeping me healthy and strong.