Thursday, March 6, 2014

99% of the time it has nothing to do with you

Yesterday was a good teaching day in the Cox household. It's really the first time that I know of that someone else crushed my little boys spirit. He was playing with some friends and one of the little boys who doesn't know him all that well called James a mean name. It was James least favorite word and one we don't use around our house. He was heartbroken and wondered if what the boy said was true because why else would he say it. And what I said is as true for little people as it is for big people. The reason someone is mean to you has nothing to do with you whatsoever, it has everything to do with the person. In all my years of studying psychology and people and every time I have tested this theory in the last few years it always comes down to something is going on with the individual that is causing a person to lash out at another human being. Whether it is divorce or finances or not enough self esteem or whatever it always comes back to the person who is being mean. People are mean because their hearts are just a little bit broken inside. We all have a great capacity to love and to be understanding and I have seen many people to do it, but when someone lashes out at you irrationally it is because they have a hurt inside that is festering. It is really interesting to watch and wait for the reason to come out. So if someone ever offends you or bullies you, yes even as an adult it happens, just don't ever take it personally. Because 99% of the time it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Now on the off chance it is about you it might be time for a little introspection. Does this person really know me, does this person have my best interests at heart, does this person love me? If you answer yes to any of these questions maybe you ought to do some serious soul searching, otherwise forget about it. Seriously there is no time to worry about what other people say or think. And like I told my boys I love you and that is all that matters.