Tuesday, October 14, 2014


The last few weeks have been difficult. Suffering from physical problems, compounded by emotional sadness with an anniversary of loss, stirred in with trying to be excited and happy to celebrate the birth of the boy who gave you the name mom. It doesn't get any easier. Then to compound the situation the young women's president has asked the girls and leaders to speak a little blurp on Wednesday. I am a bit stressed out. But as stressed as I am, I can't help but feel entirely greatful for all the things that have led me to this place. Mostly I was pondering on what I could share on Wednesday and these words keep repeating in my mind. Four years ago I was desperately lost, I felt something was missing in my life, like something was lacking. The strength I had once enjoyed as a youth was gone. I felt like I was going through the motions, not really living. Who was I? Who did I want to be? Did God truly care about me? Was He a stranger? Or was I? Our families world was rocked a bit 3 years ago, for the first time in a long time, I had to trust in the Lord, in my Heavenly Father. I could sink or walk on water, trying to show forth faith. It wasn't perfect, there were several times I felt I could drown. Still I was searching. Two years ago I was called to be in the young women's program. Another stretch of faith, how could I possibly help teach and help these girls when I felt so broken myself? I think sometimes God can put a person in our lives to teach and guide us, but I have also learned that sometimes He puts us in places to be taught by others, many people all at once. Lucy was a great teacher, however short her mortal life. But the young women have also become great teachers and examples in a very different way. Each girl so unique and special has changed me. And this past year I have had yet another person in my life who has pushed me farther than I ever thought possible. But this strength and refining have only made me stronger. I can feel it. I can feel it. I went from someone who was totally lost a few years ago, to this powerhouse of faith, not by myself of course, but through the Holy Ghost, my Savior, my Father in Heaven, my family, my girls (I'm totally claiming them as my own), the temple, my calling. God has answered my prayers. It has been a hard fought battle, which I still have a long ways to go, but now I have the strength and power I need. In just a few short years my life has entirely changed, it was some of the hardest fought years, but the most rewarding.  Now if I can make it through the next week or two, I will be fine, although I have a sneaking suspicion that it will only continue to be hard and trying, I still have so much to learn. Life.