Thursday, January 29, 2015

Comfort Zone

Most of my life I have spent inside my comfort zone....well because obviously it is comfortable. Something happens to me though when I try to take a step outside of that comfort zone. I feel like all these thoughts and insecurities send a deluge of negativity into my mind to inhibit me from trying to be me. I have always been afraid to be me. I think that is why I am shy because if people were to get to know the real me they would run away, which is not true. Satan is cunning. He has hit me where I am most vulnerable with my insecurities and they have been so deep seated for so long I don't think I realized how deep a hold he has had on me. A few days ago I was singing this new song I found. It is beautiful and perfect and what I felt I needed to sing in my church in a couple of weeks. I still have a lot of kinks to work out, but I thought I could do it. Well yesterday and today my confidence has been waning. It is so weird when I felt so good just 2 days ago and with the lack of confidence comes a straining in my voice which makes my confidence that much weaker and it becomes a vicious cycle. I couldn't understand what had changed. Then today it hit. Who doesn't want me to sing this song? Who doesn't want me to succeed? Who would love me to fail and see my confidence that much weaker? I don't know why I didn't see it before. You know how when things finally become clear and you feel kinda stupid because now it is so obvious. Well I don't feel like that, but I feel empowered. 😊 Hahaha! I now know whose voice I have been listening to and frankly I am getting tired of it. I want to be free of these shackles of self doubt. I love little kids. They have such confidence and somewhere along the way that invincibility goes away. When all along it should have grown and developed through the love of our Heavenly Father and Savior. I know it will take some time. I know it is going to be difficult because there is a great power who would like nothing more than to see me fail, but I know there is an even greater power who knows me, loves me, and wants very much for me to succeed. I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. Another journey to take another road to step onto. Scary, but exciting at the same time.