Monday, June 1, 2015

Have I mentioned I have been exhausted for a while now? James has been having nightmares every night for about a month, which means if I am really tired he sleeps in my bed, which means I don't sleep, which means my back is in knots because I am tense all night from sharing space with a snuggly kicker, which means I am exhausted most of the time. I have been barely functioning. That also means I am extremely cranky most of the time and just want to be left alone, which isn't fun for anyone. I'm not sure what to do about it. Most days I just muster through. I think I have heavenly help. Some days are extremely difficult. And when I have tried to take a nap I am usually woken up by the same culprit. Have I mentioned he doesn't like to be alone either. He doesn't like to go anywhere in the house alone, he is afraid of ghosts. It has calmed down a little during the day, but at night it is a fight. Anyway because I am tired and cranky I have lost my filter. There have been many times I have had to bite my tongue. It isn't fun when mommy is yelling all the time. And it isn't fun when mommy feels like yelling all the time. I don't want to be a yeller. I find the spirit can't be in my home when I fly off the handle. Until recently I had gotten better at keeping the peace. I am not perfect, but I was getting better at winning the anger war. But lately it has become a bigger challenge. I just need some sleep. Maybe I can get a nap in today. Maybe...just maybe.