Thursday, October 15, 2015

October 13th

October 13th will always be a bitter sweet day for me. It was the day I became a mother, to a cute blond haired blue eyed sweetie pie. It was also the day our family experienced a tremendous loss, cute little Lucy. The past 3 years have been more bitter than sweet. Making it hard to celebrate the birthday of my son when all I wanted to do was mourn the loss of a niece. I always felt I was hurting Ben. Trying to make up for it on another day. I felt I couldn't be both happy and sad all at the same time. This year however was different. For the first time I looked back in fondness and was able to celebrate both of the extraordinary people in my life. I am so blessed. Blessed as a mom, blessed as an aunt, blessed as a sister, blessed. I know God has a plan, more than I ever did before. Lucy wasn't meant for this earth, but for a short time. That was His plan for her. And I am thankful for the small moments I was able to know her and love her. It is pretty cool being an aunt to such amazing nieces and nephews. I love them all so much. And it is really cool I get to be a mom, a mom to two crazy amazing boys. Especially Ben and especially James. Each so unique and different and total opposites. Just as God had a plan for Lucy, I know He has a plan for me and although I thought my plan would be much different I am thankful for the journey. October 13th can now be a day of joy and remembrance. A day to look back and reflect on the joy of a sweet little girl and my ever growing big sweet boy.