Friday, February 12, 2016

Finding a new groove

I used to know what to write about. I used to feel inspired. Lately it feels like pulling teeth. (Which in reality really hurts, by the way.) My life has turned into a battle ground. For the past 6 months I have been losing. Or at least I thought I was. In reality I have truly learned quite a few lessons. Sometimes in order to move forward we have to take a step back. Or two. Or three. Sometimes we have to alter our course altogether and it feels hard and challenging. Sometimes we end up on a path not expected, but certainly worth the trip. Why must we fall, suffer, and endure in order to more fully grow, develop and change? I'm pretty sure for me it is the quickest way to learning. Could I learn it the easy way. Maybe. Probably not. I get too much comfort in the ease. I relax and settle in for a long period of time. I think I would live there forever. But I can't. So the hard way for me it is. And yet I have seen such beauty in the hard way. I appreciate so much more. Often those who endure the greatest pain and suffering also enjoy the greatest joy and beauty. Not that I have endured so great of things, but I can see it in those who have and that is a blessing to see. A gift that I can also endure the things God has asked of me. There is a way to happiness, true and lasting happiness. And I am always surprised and how much I hate the road I have to travel to find it. I have so many weaknesses. I am nothing really. Who am I? But to God I am everything, and so are you. God doesn't make mistakes, we do, but he is ever there to pick us up again when we need Him. I am thankful to Him, for guiding me. I hope to always be willing to follow, but I am pretty sure, given my reputation, to always rebel. What patience He must have to endure one such as I. And yet He does just that.