Thursday, May 19, 2016
I think if I was a drinker I would be an alcoholic. If I did drugs, I would be an addict. I feel things. Sometimes too deeply. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes the weight of it seems more than I can bear. So I become somewhat self destructive trying anything I can to not feel, to become numb. I have terrible coping mechanisms. I eat to numb the pain. Especially sugar, sometimes sodas. I watch a lot of movies or tv trying to escape reality. Sometimes I read. Nothing satisfies. Well not long term anyway. This has been my life for the last several weeks, buckling under the pressure of the stresses in my life and not dealing with them well. Then I had a thought this morning, one about Our Savior. What I deal with is small in comparison to the weight of the world He took upon himself. And I can barely stand what little I am given, I can only imagine the grief and pain He suffered for me, for you. Mine seems nothing in comparison and yet Jesus did this for everyone. I am so thankful. I don't have to bear this alone. I know this too shall pass. These demons will flee, only to return another day, but in the process I hope to become stronger, better, more of who I am meant to be. In the meantime I will do my best and ask my Savior to help me. For He makes weak things become strong like unto Him.